The Care And Feeding of Humans (Fubsyverse) part 4
When faced with an angry human, it’s best to speak in soft, soothing tones. Reminding them to "relax" or "calm down" can also be extremely helpful. When all else fails, make a human laugh. For this reason, we suggest you learn a set of jokes, or keep a stash of funny videos on hand at all times. (Reminder, just because it’s funny to you, doesn’t mean it’s funny to humans. Please check with a human first, to see if the humor is funny to all humans.)
Dybbuk Review of Ontological Species Studies. The Care and Feeding of Humans, "Humor-the Best Weapon.", published by Glass and Steele, The Care and Feeding of Humans, translation engine 3.14159
Zoe was facing off against Allen and Nate, and Nerif wondered if there might be bloodshed and if the infirmary was stocked for human on human damage.
"Do you have any effing clue what’s going on? Your big skill addition is 'being human'." Zoe made angry claw gestures in the air when she said, ‘being human’, and Nerif moved her hand closer to the emergency call button.
"Exactly how many effing missions have you been on? As many as one?" Zoe continued in an angry voice.
"Um," Nate interrupted Zoe with a motion of his head towards Nerif. Zoe turned and saw Nerif standing behind her and took a deep breath.
"Zoe," Nerif said, and was surprised at how small her voice sounded. She took a deep breath and tried again. "Zoe, what happened? You are so angry, and you didn’t stay for the briefing. We only did the introductions," Nerif said, and this time her voice sounded better. Calm and reassuring, just like the book said.
Zoe suddenly stood up completely straight, her face still, with only her hands moving open and closed, open and closed. "You are absolutely right. I apologize." Zoe headed back to the common room with Allen and Nate trailing behind her. Nate paused in front of Nerif. "Good job, kiddo," he said, before quickening his pace to catch up to the other two humans.
Nerif hurried after them and stopped in the doorway as Zoe approached the captain. Nerif could see the captain’s hand move casually towards his alarm button as Zoe approached, but he stopped when Zoe stopped a meter away from him.
"Captain," Zoe said, and bowed short and hard. "I apologize for my behavior and for interrupting the briefing. It will not happen again."
The captain waved his hand. "Allowances are made for certain skills. As long as you have not been made unhappy by any member of the crew or expedition."
Zoe swallowed. "No, my unhappiness is my own and not the responsibility of any other beings."
The captain nodded gravely. "Well said." He turned back to Nerif, "If you are finished with introductions, perhaps we can continue with the briefing."
Nerif nodded. "My nesters are in the rejuvenation pod, but will be able to attend breakfast tomorrow. I will introduce them to the human team tomorrow." Nerif was sure she saw a muscle spasm in Zoe’s cheek, but humans faces moved so much it was hard to tell if that meant anything.
Zoe, Allen and Nate took their recently vacated seats, and Nerif sat back down next to Zoe. Even though Zoe's anger had been scary and impressive, Nerif wanted to make sure that everyone knew she felt safe enough with Zoe to sit next to her.
The captain made a gesture, and the lights dimmed, and an image of the planet appeared before the audience.
"The original survey mission was just a fly by and it was given a rating of 2 or 3, and that is really just more out of precaution."
The image zoomed in and Nerif could see the planet was a jungle planet, lush and green, with a few small seas scattered around.
"The fly by was able to drop off a ground station with no issues, and there have been no reports of storms or violent geological disturbances. The Hand on the ground will be charged with collecting data that the station isn't able to collect and placing a new backup battery for the station power. Standard sample collections. We're really not expecting anything big or bad. However, that's when something Big and Bad and with lots of teeth bites you in the tail." His tail twitched as if trying to avoid that bite.
The image zoomed in again, and the ground station was now visible in the jungle, a small clearing around it, where the force field kept out any nasty surprises. The image tilted slightly and Nerif could now see a long stretch of gentle shoreline.
"When the survey team dropped off the ground station, they missed their target spot, which was supposed to be near a ground landing site, here."
The image moved and tilted again, and Nerif could now see the landing site and the ground station. She swallowed. That looked like a lot of jungle in between.
"The shuttle will drop the ground team, here." A red dot appeared on the shoreline of the map. "They will then have to hike to the ground station. It means a 30 klick walk through the jungle of an unexplored world. Not ideal. Not what anyone wanted. But we took on the contract."
Nerif glanced at Zoe, while trying not to look at her directly. Humans were notorious for finding ways out of contracts. The fact that she had fulfilled four contracts already spoke well of her, though. Would Zoe realize how important the contract was to the expedition team?
Zoe spoke up. "We may need one extra droid to take with us. Is that possible? We may need extra supplies, in case of unexpected delays."
"Of course," the captain said. "It wouldn't be good business to endanger the mission over something as small as not enough supplies. Take two more droids."
The lights came back on and Nerif noticed everyone was watching Zoe. Even Allen and Nate seemed to be focused on her, even though Nate made a show of pulling some food out of his pocket and taking a bite out of it.
"Sounds like a piece of cake," he said. Nerif saw the puzzled faces of some of the expedition.
"He means it sounds simple," she clarified to them and was rewarded with a smile from Nate.
"Yes, very simple," Zoe agreed, and at that, everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and started to leave. Not hurried, exactly, but not dawdling either as they left the room. Though they did seem to give the humans a wide berth, leaving Zoe, Allen, Nate, and Nerif alone at the table.
"So," Nerif said. "I guess right about now, you want to know where the gym is."
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